The state you’re in won’t go away without putting up a fight. It is vicious and savage; it either destroys you or it dies. It most definitely does not fade away, does not go out with muffled sobs or quiet whimpers. It screams and lashes, annihilating everyone and everything within its reach.
His eyes were the colour of twilight mist. Like the stormy seas upon which ships creaked. They were misty cauldrons with no attachment to any veil of reality. Ashen, with the look of love lost. Leaden, with revenge. They spoke of maturity, never twinkling with the naivety of inexperienced youth. His were the kind of eyes, that had you lost in translation. They were steely, rivalling the most polished armour.
Have you ever craved the presence of someone; someone you may not even know yet, but all you do know is that they are out there, trudging through each day, unconsciously finding their way to you? Continue reading
It is the caress of midnight, enveloping me in utter warm darkness. Its aura drawing me in with peace and mystery. The color of majesty combined with utter decadence and sensuality.
Endings are so finite, so cold and so absolute. Each fleeting moment that brings me closer to the end takes more out of my lungs; it marks a point of no return. Each transition is a shut door, each word a step closer to the Rubicon. I am not ready to cross it, never will be.
And yet, all we are taught is to wrap it up in silk ribbons, to leave our audience with something to ponder on. How do I end a story with more to tell, a narrative with frayed edges. How do I end a friendship with spilling memories, a relationship with loose ends. How do I end a childhood, dripping with nostalgia, and a war with massive casualties. Casualties that ensue in cutting parts of me right to the bandage.
I have turned people into metaphors, calling them everything – from hurricanes to drugs. All of this, only to deceive myself into believing that we weren’t done yet. I have been hurt, and I have hurt, hoping to save myself from another abrupt ending – another cliffhanger, another push down the hill.
But I am done. I am not going to have people rummaging between my broken ribs, searching for hand-me-down hearts. My ribs are made of leftover chalk and my heart is already ashes. It is time that I save whatever is left of me. I am not a work of art. I am too complicated to be confined in some frame or a shoddy piece of paper. I am chaotic and too far gone to be contained. Let me go.
I hope you aren’t waiting here, to hear me say that I will be waiting for you. Because I won’t. I’d rather go somewhere else, smelling of everything safe and happy, telling myself not to get attached to people. I’d rather have a new beginning.
When the music ends,
I want to forget my dreams of standing next to you
Wrapped in white, wishing for a
When the music ends,
I want to stop smelling of
Thunderstorms and breakups,
And the cheap vodka that
Traces the veins on my neck
Just like the smudged mascara does.
She is not a story with a fairytale ending. She is anything but the hype about first loves.
Author’s Note : The following post is extremely special. And by far, the most realistic one that I have had the courage to share. To me it may just be fiction, but to another this is painfully real. I caution you before you proceed – rape is a very sensitive issue. All genders are suffering, equally. If at any point it may seem that I have taken too much of liberty as a writer, I apologize. Read.